Happiness

Be Bold

This is a poem I wrote while I was recently in the hospital.

Be Bold by: Laurel Herring

This Is Written To Everyone. Be Bold!

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Dear Mom: A Mother’s Day Letter

Mom, you are my inspiration, my rock and my light.

You have taught me so much and I appreciate everything you do. You have sacrificed so much for Mia and me and I will never be able to repay you. What I will do, though, is love you until the day I die, and then, after that, I’ll love you still.

Everyday, you lift me up with your smile. I know times have been hard, and if times are difficult in the future, I will be there for you every step of the way. I love your sense of humor and how you laugh at my corny jokes. I appreciate your criticism, as your opinion is most important to me.

You have taught me more than I ever learned in school. When people tell me I’m smart, I credit you. You are the reason why I love to learn, why I am interested in current events, and why I love videos featuring puppies with babies. 🙂

When I don’t believe in myself, you believe in me. When I feel down, you lift me up, and when I feel lost, you show me the way. I would be in ruins without you, and for that, I thank you Mom.

This may be Mother’s Day, but these words live on all year. Know that I love you more and more each day. I am truly blessed to have you as my Mother. Thank you Mom for being you.

Happy Mother’s Day,
Your Loving Daughter,

Laurel

Reasons For Living

I have often wondered if I should even try anymore. What’s the point in living if I don’t have a thriving life to live? I’m alone, or at least I feel that way. Fortunately, I have lost the urge to take my own life. It only took 10 years.

10 years may seem like a long time, but there are tons of people that have lived with depression much longer and still think about, and have attempted, suicide. Whether you are young, old, or somewhere in-between, remember, there is a reason for you to be on this planet. Depression can take you mind, your heart and even your soul, but just as you came to have depression, you can overcome it as well.

As I write this to whoever is reading it, I am also writing to myself. I struggle everyday, yet I also smile, laugh, hope and dream. If you can’t smile right now and if you have lost all hope, hold on to your dreams. There is always something you and I dream about. I dream of writing a book (or two), successfully living on my own, being free to be who I am, and even owning my own pottery studio. These are big dreams and I need to remember these daily to keep on keepin’ on. I also have dreams of making it to the next day, paying off my debt, and remembering my next therapist appointment. These may seem like small dreams, but small things make big dreams possible! Make connections. If I pay off my bills, talk to my therapist regularly and make it to the next day, I’m on my way to sparking inspiration for my book, looking for my first apartment, making pottery everyday, and feeling free for the first time. I’m not saying all this will happen over night, but, as they say, you have to learn to crawl before you can walk.

Sometimes I hate life, other times I love life. This is the ebb and flow of depression. It has a iron grip, but that grip can weakened and it can certainly let go. Think of your dreams, big and small. Do more of what you love and less of what depression brings you to love. I like sleeping all day, but that’s what my depression likes. What I love even more is nice Fall days, beautiful sunsets, and laughing with my little sister. I can’t do any of that if I’m asleep in bed. If depression has a hold on you, hold on even tighter to your dreams and you can make it through, one day at a time.

Dreams are my reason for living because they help me push through the negativity that wants to bring me down. Every year, every month, every day, and every hour of every second I have my dreams to hold on to.

What are your dreams?

What are your reasons for living?

On Depression (among other things)

I have been hospitalized 20 times.

I’ve been to Residential Treatment twice (a combined time length of 5 months). I’ve been in Partial Hospitalization Programs 3 times and in an Intensive Outpatient Program once. I recently had to quit my job, a job I really loved, but also a job that just didn’t mesh well with good ol’ Depression. I owe thousands of dollars in medical bills. I’m on 7 different medications. Every second of my life feels like an hour, even though my thoughts race at the speed of light.

Why?
Depression

I feel like there is death in me everyday. I wake up with depression each day and some days the depression dies as the day goes on. On occasion, the opposite happens. I awake with happiness, but then my smile dies, and depression emerges. Even though depression isn’t a game, it does feel like a very competitive game of Chutes & Ladders. Just when I’ve nearly climbed my way to the finish line, I suddenly slide back down to the beginning of my journey. It’s a defeating feeling being so close yet so far.

When I was diagnosed with depression at the age of 16, I thought it was the end. Never would I have thought, nearly 10 years later, that was just the beginning.